I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
