i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drunk is not a location!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
