look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
