I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Two words: blizzard sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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