Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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