ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
