It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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