we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
