its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
