I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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