u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize