We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize