how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
