im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
