You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
