Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
