No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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