I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You may now shotgun with the bride
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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