I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
