I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
