my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
