Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
