she looked like the before picture.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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