it hurts more in the daytime
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
