This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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