Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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