ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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