Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
