I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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