I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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