you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
