some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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