So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
