so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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