3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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