Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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