i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
