I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
