You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
