So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
