in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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