it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
