My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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