god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
