Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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