Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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