I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
