omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
