Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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