i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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