If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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