remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
