worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
