My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
