maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
