'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
