Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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