How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
