stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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