well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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