Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
