That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
