I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
