i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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