i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
