I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
