I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
