Need sex. Gaining weight.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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