i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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