Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
