I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
