I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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