Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
