i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dicks are not precious.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
